Greener Grass

It has been the kind of spring that is my very favorite kind of spring. We wake up each morning to birds singing, the ground is damp from rain or dew, the sun is shining, the grass is green. It truly doesn’t get much better than that.

In our area of the world, and many other areas in the Midwest and Northern Plains, we have been battling a severe drought for a few years, which meant the grass didn’t get green. There was no dew. There was no rain. The birds sang a different tune. This drought also came during the 2020 pandemic in which the entire nation, down to each little community, and sometimes even families, was divided over politics. I believe that as an agricultural industry we saw a very large decrease in our mental health. It is pretty easy to see that depression was high and morale was low. I think this is something that people in this industry don’t want to acknowledge. I understand that. It’s hard and acknowledging it feels very vulnerable in a “cowboy up and deal with it” kind of society. We keep hearing in publications about the mental health crisis in agriculture, but it’s hard to believe that to be true when you don’t know any of your cowboy community members who have committed suicide. It’s easy to believe that they must be talking about other places, not home. (Note: I am using the word “cowboys” to describe the individuals in the farming and ranching industry. It includes both men and women.)

Let’s take a second to look at how I think depression often manifests itself in cowboys.

• Anger. Do you know someone who is always crabby? Do small things set them off?

• Isolation. Loss of interest in family members. At family holidays, do they skip out on game time to go watch television? Do they truly interact with their spouse, children, or grandchildren? Do they avoid social gatherings? Are family members avoiding them because they are hard to be around?

• Drinking. Are they drinking more frequently or in larger quantities?

• Loss of interest. Do they seem to have lost interest in the big picture of the ranch? They do the day to day things, but seem to have no motivation for planning for the distant future.

• Weight gain. This might simply look like not taking care of themselves physically.

Now, this doesn’t mean that if you know someone who fits this mold that they are depressed. I am not trying to diagnose anyone. I just think that depression looks different in cowboys than what is described in publications and on the internet. Cowboys really are a different breed. I believe that depression is something that has been a part of this industry for a very long time. We all talk about how it is the greatest way to raise kids and it is the best type of community. I absolutely 100% agree with that. But there is the dark side that doesn’t get talked about, because for generations it was made very clear that you just cowboyed up, didn’t talk about it, and handled it on your own. There are a lot of people now who would tell you the same thing. There are a lot of people who will go their whole lives with this exact belief and think they are fine. But here is what I want to tell you and I hope it sinks in. There is a better way to live. Life really can look quite different. And it isn’t right to continue to put you and your family through the stress of your depression simply because you don’t want to admit that it exists. Imagine yourself feeling peace, forming quality relationships with your family members, enjoying social events, being hungover less, being motivated to work on the ranch each day and look towards the future, feeling physically healthy. That all sounds pretty good, doesn’t it? You really can feel this way. But you have to get help.

I personally believe that the best help is two-fold: medication and therapy. I know, I lost most of my followers when I said those two words. But hang in there with me for just a second more. Here is the thing, more often than not, deep depression is so firmly rooted in your DNA due to generations of depression, that without chemically changing your physical make-up, you’re never going to see the results you really want. You take pills for high blood pressure, high cholesterol, and all sorts of other ailments. Why can’t you take a pill for your brain? Also, a big one on this topic is to make sure you have a good medical provider. One who is going to follow up and make sure you get the right medication. The first medication you try might not be right for you, but there are several different medications for depression, so don’t give up, and don’t let your provider give up. Also, don’t rely on your provider to follow up and make sure you get what you need, advocate for yourself until you find a medication that is the right fit. Alright, let’s talk therapy. I believe in counseling. In fact, I wish every human could have a counselor. The world would be a better place. But I know it just isn’t going to happen for some cowboys. So let’s talk about other forms of therapy. Talk to a pastor at a church you like. Talk to a mental health advocate in agriculture. Just Google “mental health in agriculture” or “counseling for ranchers” and you will find resources. And the best part about these resources is they are not local and no one will ever know. Many of these services are even free. You can also do online counseling through a website called BetterHelp.

Chances are, the people reading this are not the ones dealing with the depression, but they know someone who is. You want to offer support, but you have been their whipping post for so long, it is hard to accept that they could change. But remember that depression is not a choice. It is a chemical imbalance in the brain/body. Telling them to stop being so crabby or to stop drinking is like telling someone who has pneumonia to stop coughing. Let go of the idea that it is something they choose. My heart goes out to all of you dealing with depression or someone with depression. It can make life extremely hard for them and their family. But there is a way out. The grass truly can be greener on the other side.